Ah, the joys of modern air travel—the recycled air, the mirage of legroom, and, if you’re a military spouse, the occasional rollercoaster ride of perks and annoyances. Flying alongside someone in the military often comes with its own unique blend of privileges and quirks. Think expedited security lines and early boarding…sometimes. But as I recently learned the hard way, those perks don’t always extend to the plus-one.

The Gate Rejection Fiasco

So there I was…at the Southwest gate like any other traveler on their way to who knows where. The usual announcement after group A but before group B, “Any families, or active-duty military with valid military I.D. may now board.” Since I’m regularly faced with a barrage of literal I-have-no-say information, it was one of those rare times when I thought, ‘Well, this is nice.’ But when we approached the gate, the agent took one look at my spouse’s ID and then at me with a polite but decisive headshake. I wasn’t ‘in the military myself,’ so I was given a firm “thanks but no thanks.” After spending years supporting my spouse’s career, it felt…deflating. It was a feeling of being “almost included”—a bit like showing up to an exclusive event as someone’s date and being told that, unfortunately, only they are on the list. You can hopefully see how this can be frustrating, especially as a spouse who deals with the ups and downs of mil-life, only to be left out of a small perk.

Airline Rules and Regulations

Here I’ll break down the official (and occasionally mystifying) rules. Airlines have varying policies about who qualifies for perks, and often, a service member has to be in uniform, on active duty, or even traveling on orders to get specific benefits. These perks can seem arbitrary and even inconsistent from one flight to another. For example, my spouse has never once been in “full” uniform at the airport. The regulation buzz cut is enough for him to qualify. Second, we are not “Active Duty”, we are in the Guard. And third, I have traveled alone on some Southwest flights, without my spouse, and have been able to board with my own ID during the military boarding process. Maybe it comes down to the gate attendant? Did I catch someone on a bad day? Why they did not let me board with my spouse is beyond me and quite frankly maddeningly absurd. I’m sorry I didn’t catch the fine print, but let’s fix this, please, because I’d prefer not to be rejected again and sent to the back of the line like some second-class sidekick.

The Real Perks of Flying with a Military Spouse

Despite the annoyances, there are some legitimate benefits, those golden moments when the stars align, and the perks feel like little thank-yous. Early boarding (as said before this is hit or miss I guess), faster security checks, or the occasional complimentary upgrade. Hell to the yes with that last one, because that’s what happened on our flight back from Italy. Don’t be afraid to ask the desk at the gate about this. Just flex that spouse of yours and they can be very accommodating when they can. Who doesn’t love an expedited line, an upgrade on a long flight, or free drinks? Especially if you’re coming back from a TDY or PCSing overseas please don’t feel bad asking. The worst they can do is say, “No”.

Honestly, flying with a military spouse is, like military life itself, an unpredictable experience. Sometimes, you get the perks; sometimes, you’re standing on the sidelines with a raised eyebrow. But in the end, these small inconveniences are just part of the journey for military families. So next time we line up at the gate, I’ll still cross my fingers, even if I know better by now. Who knows? Maybe I’ll make it to the front of the line someday by actually checking into my flight when I’m supposed to—either that or I’ll just keep waiting, in solidarity with every military spouse who’s ever been turned away.